Suddenly, Nothing happened. Something was supposed to happen. Something incredible. But it called in sick. Karma, while a bitch, was busy getting someone and couldn’t come. Fate and Destiny had gotten drunk and were too hung over to be up to the task. So Nothing happened.
Nothing was tired. It had to happen a lot, and it was tired of happening. But because of its very nature, even if it didn’t happen, it still happened. Nothing had to find a way to get around this situation. It needed a loophole. A strategy. A plan. A way to do this thing that Nothing wanted to do and shit.
Suddenly had to pee, so this idea came to Nothing gradually. Not really a flash. More like leaving the light on. Anyway, the idea was this: Nothing would split itself into two parts. One part would not be much, but the other would be much. As soon as the split took place, Nothing took a break and went to sleep. So when it came time for something to happen, suddenly or not, Nothing Much happened. After a little time, whatever that was, you know, because I’m all like this story is pretty fucking awesome so far, with a great resolution (1980×1200) and a satisfying and cathartic denoument, which is French for “Is this sentence ever going to end?”, Nothing woke up and started happening again. Nothing Much took a nap.
Three days later, Hing just flat-out bailed to look for an ‘e’ so it could be more important and open doors and stuff, but that was okay. Nothing could still get a break occasionally, during which time Not Much would happen.
Suddenly, the universe exploded and all time and space came to an end. Turns out, you can’t divide Nothing by itself. However, it was prevented at the last second by the fact that Nothing could stop this from happening.