It Aches Where My Wings Were Once Attached

I feel I’ve sacrificed life
Just to make you love me
What of the caterpillar who gives everything
To be the butterfly?
If the wings are torn, it becomes neither
If the beauty is crushed, it becomes barren
I feel I’ve done something wrong
Why is love not a choice you make?
Are you unable to feel my loving embrace?
Do you not even see me in this room?
Do you not feel my heart beating faster?
Even I don’t know if it is the rush of adrenaline
From your nearness
Or the flight response that will escape your anger
Even I don’t know if my touch will send shivers of excitement
Across your skin
Or storms of loathing and disgust, shooting daggers
If you ever loved me
If you even know how
Then you voiced elation from a steam locomotive
Slow to start
Then entering a tunnel, where signal can neither enter nor leave
I receive nothing
I feel I have fallen from grace
Just to convince you I existed
Giving up what you asked of me
Giving freely of my soul
To win your love
There are no winners
What of the angel who gives everything
To be in love?
If the wings are torn, I become not angel, nor mortal, nor nephilim
I become oblivion
While your head rests on my feathers

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16 thoughts on “It Aches Where My Wings Were Once Attached”

  1. This is profoundly sad! I’ve got a severe case of the blues after reading this one. What is a butterfly with crushed wings or an angel with none? What a wonderful thought, so delicately worded. Love should ideally be the wings that give us flight but some love leaves us buried in dust. Loved it through and through. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I agree, profoundly sad! I couldn’t help thinking of that Wim Wender’s movie, ‘Wings of Desire’ as if it is an alternative/parallel narrative, so beautifully worded as usual, but with a devastating ending instead, that basically kicked me right in the …

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Indeed! And that was definitely my tactic when I was younger, but the older I get, I have found a surprising desire to not get cynical, even in light of a recent heartache with the ending of a cherished friendship that took a turn I didn’t anticipate. Or, hmmm maybe I am just in denial ha!

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Yes, you are right, I guess I meant that as I discovered I was in the process of ‘cynifying’ because I was so grieved, that’s when I discovered a desire to not let it happen…so it is a struggle right now, if you know what I mean?

            Liked by 1 person

              1. So much of my life has actually been defined by it, I was so surprised that I finally saw how ingrained it was, and that I actually had a desire to not be!! That truly shocked me. (Plus, I am realising I need to practise what I preach and be more clear in my communication! Sorry my point has been so belaboured!) 🙂

                Liked by 1 person

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