I feel I’ve sacrificed life
Just to make you love me
What of the caterpillar who gives everything
To be the butterfly?
If the wings are torn, it becomes neither
If the beauty is crushed, it becomes barren
I feel I’ve done something wrong
Why is love not a choice you make?
Are you unable to feel my loving embrace?
Do you not even see me in this room?
Do you not feel my heart beating faster?
Even I don’t know if it is the rush of adrenaline
From your nearness
Or the flight response that will escape your anger
Even I don’t know if my touch will send shivers of excitement
Across your skin
Or storms of loathing and disgust, shooting daggers
If you ever loved me
If you even know how
Then you voiced elation from a steam locomotive
Slow to start
Then entering a tunnel, where signal can neither enter nor leave
I receive nothing
I feel I have fallen from grace
Just to convince you I existed
Giving up what you asked of me
Giving freely of my soul
To win your love
There are no winners
What of the angel who gives everything
To be in love?
If the wings are torn, I become not angel, nor mortal, nor nephilim
I become oblivion
While your head rests on my feathers