Dragon And Other True Stories

There once was a dragon who got tired of terrorizing the land, so he looked for a full time job. He went to several interviews and job fairs, but people couldn’t seem to get past the fact that he had scared, burned and/or eaten a number of people. It was depressing to him that people couldn’t see him for what he really was, and had to attach labels to him. He was extremely depressed until one day, a mortician decided to hire him. The mortician couldn’t be hurt by the dragon for some reason, and since everyone else there was dead, the dragon was fine to work there. The dragon was so happy! He started immediately, digging graves for the bodies that were to be buried and incinerating the ones that were to be cremated. But one day, the mortician died, and the dragon grew very depressed once again. He had lost a friend and also his job. Per the instructions of the will, the dragon incinerated the mortician, starting with his head, but the dragon couldn’t finish. He was too torn up, and when he had gotten just above the ankles, he broke down entirely. He took the remains of the mortician and had them bronzed, and wore them as a necklace to remind him of his friend. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where the phrase ‘dragon your feet’ came from. True story.

 

I’m drawing a blank right now. ______________________________________ I hope you like it. I worked on it all afternoon, and I studied at the finest universities in order to produce the shape and line and texture of this blank. I will add it to the rest of the blanks that I have drawn over the last year, and make it into a whole collection. It won’t be the first time I’ve done this. The last time I gathered all the blanks and took pictures of them. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the origin of the phrase ‘shooting blanks.’ True story.

 

When you’re making chili, what do you use? What has to be in chili for it to qualify as chili? I guess chili peppers, but what about tomatoes, or meat? Can you use any meat? I would think you could use squirrel meat in chili as long as you have pineapple. Squirrel without pineapple is like lobster without orange juice! Ridiculous, I know. Also, I always wonder why they put lemon and fish together. I think you squeeze it into the tea, but I don’t know what the lemon is for. Speaking of lemons, I used to wonder where pink lemonade came from, but one day I was making some from frozen concentrate and cut my finger on the lid, which dripped into the pitcher. Now I know. I’m still not sure how they get my blood into all those pink lemonade factories, though.

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8 thoughts on “Dragon And Other True Stories”

          1. Are you serious???? I’m the same with champagne, and rum and coke, the latter being my favourite mixed drink since my teen years. Here I like the Aussie Bundaberg brand for rum, I don’t think I’ve ever had kraken. Haha we should have that cyber drink sometime. Cheers!

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