I can’t help how this feels. When I have a choice of feeling bad, or feeling out of it, I’ll choose numb every time. In this case, it’s cold medicine. It makes everything look like it’s on TV, and I lost the remote. It’s voice activated. At least, things change when I yell at them.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people don’t give me a million dollars. I mean, that just irks me to no end. It’s an endless irk. Infinite irk. Irkfinity. They just stand there, being nice and saying good things to me, all cordial, and not giving me a million dollars. What is wrong with people? Do they not read my blog in the future, and know that I like chocolate, Japanese bands and a million dollars? I don’t want to say it’s rude not to give me a million dollars, but I think I just did.

I’d give them a million dollars! If I had it I mean. And not the same million dollars they just gave me. That would be equally rude, because regifting to the same person who gave you a gift is the ultimate in rudeness. Aside from not giving me a million dollars, that is.

I was going to argue that I like to use circular reasoning, but I like to use circular reasoning, so I don’t have to argue that I like to use circular reasoning because I like to use circular reasoning. This paragraph only has two sentences. So this sentence should be considered a typo – the whole thing, including after the hyphen dash thingy, and everything after the commas, all the way up to this period I’m about to put here.

I put a period here too. Two of them, in fact, not including the word ‘period’. This is getting dangerously close to a sexist joke, and I don’t want to come across that way, so I’ll leave it alone. Always.

I’m sorry, that was still a very subtle joke. And jokes about menstruation are simply not funny. Period.

I’ve probably told that joke before. I’ll be totally honest with you – I like chocolate, Japanese bands and a million dollars. Babymetal satisfies two of the three.

Someone has his or her window open down the hall, and there’s a cool breeze in my office. It’s raining outside, but not inside. That’s important. If it were raining inside, I would be soaked.

I have a cheap Magic 8 Ball that I often ask questions of. It’s cheap, because it’s not the billiard ball-sized Magic 8 Ball. It’s a smaller clicky mechanical Magic 8 Ball. It still works, though. Ask it a question. Go ahead. I’ll tell you what it says. You got the question? Ask it out loud to my post, and I’ll write what it says. Ready?

Okay. The Magic 8 Ball said: Ask Again Later
I’ll wait… and… Okay, again: As I See It, Yes

So there you have it. You don’t believe me? I’ll set the Magic 8 Ball on my keyboard and take a picture to prove it.


Told you! Congratulations, or awww, whichever applies!