Controversy! Dripping from this post like sweat off a drunk Arctic zombie! I delve into some of the most shocking controversies that you have ever seen in this post! Ever! Like, ever. Ev. Er. So get ready. I know you’re gonna want to scrap after this.

1) The best chips in the entire world are Meijer Kettle Cooked Ripple Cut Bold Flavor Sweet Heat BBQ Flavored Potato Chips. They are, without exception, the single best type of chips ever invented. They are like eating everything you ever wanted in a potato chip, while in heaven.

2) Upon repeat listens, at least a few dozen, it is very clear to me that Jay-Z’s guest rap part in Justin Timberlake’s Suit and Tie totally, completely and utterly ruins that song. First, you have JT scooting along, whipping out tongue-in-cheek clever naughty innuendoes and brilliant wordplay, seducing the listener. Then Jay-Z comes along and does the rap equivalent of the cranky old man yelling at all the kids to Get The Hell Off My Lawn! as though he was trying to intentionally fuck it up. Maybe rappers are like athletes – generally no good after 40. Have you heard anything good from the Beastie Boys lately? Well, not lately lately (MCA RIP), but, you know, lately? Or Ice T or Cube? How about Chuck D? Right. Nothing.

3) On a related note, the best guest rap of all time is Andre 3000’s sections in John Legend’s Green Light. His rap fits with the song, doesn’t slow it down like a rapper with a walker, and is just as clever as the song lyrics. It moves in the same direction as Legend’s sung parts, and the song would not be the same without it. Andre 3000’s part improves the song, and is indispensible. It’s exactly the opposite of Jay-Z’s part, which could and should be removed and/or replaced. Preferably by Andre 3000, or even Black Thought.

4) Unlike the music from the three decades preceding it, the 1990s will not experience a revival, a resurgence, and will not ever be cool again. People got sick of Led Zeppelin and the Beatles because of all the shows where DJs played sets of their music, but if you don’t listen to them for a while, they are cool again. Same with lots of music from the 70s, including disco, soft rock and even prog. And let’s face it – the music of the 1980s never stopped being cool, except for hair metal. But the 1990s? Korn? Limp Bizkit? Most of those bands didn’t even make it out of the 1990s. I think only Radiohead and Deftones did, and that’s because they each do about 15 different kinds of music, Radiohead in the same song.

5) Whatever. Listen to this:

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