Okay, yes, it hurts. Sometimes pain hurts for so long that you become desensitized to it, but not this pain. Even when this pain disappears, there is phantom pain to hurt what used to be there. She would jump off cliffs, but she wouldn’t jump into us. A slightly older and wiser (and more sober and less sleepy) me had a fucking revelation. She probably wouldn’t jump off every cliff. Why would she jump into every ‘us’? Forget about fires that burn without stopping yet don’t hurt, and Cupid’s assassins, and coffee shops. Forget about where the sun was in the sky and what daypart it is. Forget about oceans and disagreements and sunshine and vanishing. Forget about conversations that ended with beaming smiles, and conversations that ended with black clouds. Forget that no one ever really knows what will happen, even now. Forget the thought that will never leave, the expression that will never disappear, the deep visceral feeling spoken aloud sincerely but recklessly, honestly without the need for thought, knowingly, with certainty and eternity.

Forget all that.

I would trade every single bit of it and more for one single solitary kiss of her lips, one longing glance from her eyes, one deep contented sigh from her lungs, one warm embrace from her soul.

I would become impervious to pain then, I think.

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