Vikings, Rain, And The Oxford Comma In The Title

When you get caught in the rain, do you run or walk to where you’re going? Scientists and others try to figure it out by measuring water volume in both conditions, and debating on whether the speed prevents or causes more water from getting on you, and debating on whether you run when it’s a light rain and walk when it’s a heavy rain, and…so forth

I pretty much just get out of the rain. Why think about it? If you’re wet, you’re wet. Stop making it worse by thinking!

In other news, other things happened. I’m sure. I mean, I wasn’t really watching. I was going for a walk. I went for two walks today. Actually, I went for 17 walks, but I was only able to finish two of the more substantial ones. Some of them were to the restroom, and that’s hardly exercise, probably. Don’t try to imagine scenarios in which walking to the restroom constitutes exercise. Especially don’t try to imagine scenarios in which using the restroom constitutes exercise. You might think that this warning was self-defeating, bringing about the very thing it purported to warn against. Well, okay, and then what?

I’m typing random thoughts right now. I’ve surrounded myself with air, and I’m not coming out until my demands are met! My first demand is that someone determines what my demands are on their own, and then meets them. My second… wait… no, that’s pretty much it. No one was harmed in the making of this demand scenario, except for me because I had to type this myself. My butler refused to take dictation because he ‘cut his finger’ with a ‘lawnmower blade’ while it was ‘running’ and he’s ‘in the hospital’ or ‘something’. My valet doesn’t type very well while he’s helping me get dressed, and the maid was ‘too busy’ with ‘cleaning the entire mansion, making dinner, and all that other stuff’ to ‘type for Mr. Clever’. I swear, it’s hard to get good help these days.

I don’t know who invented day drinking, but they should get the Nobel Prize for Chemistry. Unless they merely claimed to have discovered day drinking, but it was really the Vikings who did it 500 years before. That’s probably why they haven’t won a Super Bowl in so long. I’m kidding! I know the Vikings are actually from Eurasia somewhere, possibly near the sea.

I don’t trust drinks unless their name is their recipe. If you order a zombie, or mai tai, or hurricane, or Long Island iced tea, there’s no telling what you’ll get. It’s really hard to fuck up a Jack and Coke.

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