Clean Caffeine

This is the way I like it. The Zen of Clean. I don’t like to clean, but I like the way I feel when things are clean. I’m not just talking about my balls! No sir or madam! I’m talking about the kitchen, the floors, the laundry, the dishes, the bathrooms, and so on. I love knowing they’re clean.

And then, other people happened.

That killed it all. Those damned ‘other people’! They don’t clean up after themselves! They like things in other ways, ways that make no sense logically or esoterically. The presence of other people causes changes in your brain.

Repeat: The presence of other people causes changes in your brain. Profound changes! Changes more numerous than a 1980s arcade quarter dispenser next to a large infant day care center. That’s a lot of changes! And a lot of poopy diapers, but I digress, tigress!

IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: That last sentence has never before been said out loud or in print ever before in the history of the universe. It is utterly unique in every way. That’s what this blog is for! Unique shit that no one else says, thought of saying, or even wanted to say, much less read out loud with a British accent!

Okay, you can use a Spanish accent if you want to. But just for the words that start with R. Roll those Rs! Roll them right down the street! I’m not advocating licking the street, here; I’m just saying don’t rule it out until you have all the facts. Not all the facts about street licking. ALL the facts. All of them. I don’t think that’s possible, but then, I don’t have all the facts. I haven’t looked them all up on Google Street Licks.

Anyway, since you asked, yes, I have had caffeine today, and have gotten on a clean streak – unlike Windex! – and cleaned the whole house, or the kitchen part of the house. I’m so glad it was a doll house. Cleaning an actual house is so fucking hard! It takes a lot out of you, especially if you’re doing a blood transfusion at the same time!


16 thoughts on “Clean Caffeine”

      1. I don’t think that’s it. I have clothes from China that disintegrate after a few months. Same for the particle board furniture. On the other hand, I still have some old Levis that were made in San Francisco.


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