Starship Innerthighs: Uranus In Trouble

Space…the final week of the sale. These are the voyages of the Starship InnerThighs. Its continuing mission: to seek out new outfits, and new accessories. To boldly go to thrift stores.

Slutty, Lulu, Jackov, Awhora, Klique, Blondes and Spork, along with some other gals, are shuffling through space on a mission to detect an anomaly or disturbance or some other galactic bright shiny object.

“Mistress, this is highly unusual.”
“Spork, is everything always ‘highly’ this and ‘highly’ that?”
“It’s pretty freaking unusual, Mistress. A little black dress on the bridge?”
“Jealous much? Besides, I got my little communicator flip thingy.”
“Mistress! I’m picking up an anomaly on my screen!”
“Jackov, can you confirm?”
“Yeah…no. I’m not seeing it.”
“Let me take a look…Lulu, that’s nail polish! Dammit! Slutty, can you give us any more nail polish remover?”
“Mistress, we’re already at full capacity!”
“Slutty, I need that remover now!”
“I’m giving her all she’s g… oh, wait, here’s another bottle. It was under my bra.”
“Slutty! I told you not to drink that stuff!”
“Not the one I’m wearing, Mistress.”
“Mistress! I’m picking up some pantyhose. You need any?”
“Where are you, Awhora?”
“I’m at Old Starfleet. They had a sale.”
“Old Starfleet? What kind of hose do they have? Flannel?”
“No, they have… denim.”
“I’ll pass. Klique out. Blondes, when is the last time Awhora had a check up?”
“Dammit Jen, I’m a doctor, not a clerk! I don’t look up appointments, I look up -”
“Excuse me, Lulu?
“Mistress, I’m getting a distress signal from the USS Uranus.”
“Set a course and get us there, Ms. Jackov. Whorep factor 71.”
“71, Mistress?”
“That’s Whorep 69 with two fingers in-”
“Uranus! She is hailing us, Mistress!”
“Open a channel. Uranus, can you hear me? What’s your status?”
“This is Captain Skank. We’ve been hit on severely! We’ve taken lots of damage, and our makeup is smeared.”
“Who is doing this?”

Mistress Klique and the crew gasp. The Blingons are notorious players, and they have been getting all up in this motha for weeks. The crew would have to tread carefully.
“Captain Skank – where are the Blingons now?”
“They’re surrounding us, flying in an elliptical pattern.”
“Elliptical, or circular?”
“More of a circular motion, I guess.”
“So Blingons are circling you?”
“It would appear so, Mistress. They are going around and around the ship.”
“Uranus is being encircled by them, then?”
“That’s right, Mistress.”
“So it would be fair to say that Blingons are circling the ship?”

The crew reflected on the situation, and then Spork made a stark realization.
“Awhora, do they have black leggings there? I have a most unfortunate run in mine.”
“I can check. Yes, they do. I’ll get you a pair.”
“What’s that, Spork?”
“Black flannel. I am unable to determine if it is goth or punk, and yet I have matching earrings either way.”
“Awesome, Spork! What is that perfume?”
“It’s Romulan Hilfiger. Smells good, doesn’t it?”
“Oh, I love Rommy! Slutty, you got that nail polish remover up here yet?”
“Right here, Mistress. Took that stuff right off. Hey, what’s that?”
“A Blingon ship is making a move on the U.S.S. Uranus. Those guys have been circling for hours.”
“You mean Blingons have been sort of moving around the Uranus?”
“Something like that. We have to help her. Those guys are animals – so aggressive.”
“What do you expect? They’re from the Phi Beta Gamma sector.”
“Oh.My.God. Isn’t Fhasgakk Ghabiwarrk’uk’ukk from Phi Beta Gamma?”
“Lulu, what are you doing? They’re the enemy!”
“I don’t care. I haven’t had any in a while, and I am tired of dodging the Lama.”
“You and me both, girl. We need to get out and get us some male humanoids!”
“Hail them.”
“What, Mistress?”
“Hail them. What the hell, the one on the left has extremely vagosynchric posithrusters.”
“I don’t know what you just said.”
“I don’t either. I dropped the manual once while I was dusting, and it just landed on that term. It sounded sexy!”
“Oh, it does sound sexy. Oh Blingons!”

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