Cynical Father’s Day Songs

Sometimes, days like this are not all they’re cracked up to be. It’s a calendar day, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that yellow looks terrible on me. Seriously, it clashes with everything, is visible from space, and reminds me of dandelion flowers.

But if there’s one more thing, it’s that calendar days do not magically create happiness or goodwill. So here are some songs to get you through this Father’s Day.

Once, about three years ago, we were visiting my mother in Oklahoma while my father and his lovely wife were in Colorado. They were leaving, and had planned to visit us here in Ohio on their way back to Florida. (No, you don’t need a map.) When my father found out we were in Oklahoma, they instead drove through Oklahoma on the way home. We visited for hours, had dinner, laughed over old stories, and….

No. We didn’t do that.  Not at all. What my father actually did is meet us in the parking lot of a Walmart. His giant truck full of 4 dogs, towing his giant RV trailer. It cost $17,000. He told me. I remember, because I remember saying he could stay in a hotel for a lot of nights for that much money. He said, yeah, but…

The Walmart parking lot meeting lasted for 45 minutes. The entire time, my stepmother was inside Walmart. She never came out, not once. We never saw her. But hey, at least they saved the trip to Ohio. That’s hard on dogs, you know. And those dogs, well they’re like his children. Just ask him.

Thanks, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.







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