Oh sweetheart, what’s troubling you?
You’ve been so brave in the face of all the ways I have caused your life to be miserable
I am so sorry
I didn’t mean to be solely responsible for your pain and suffering
All those nasty things I’ve done
How could I assert myself like that?
How dare I acquire friends without your approval!
Why should you be expected to handle issues that come up?
You shouldn’t, not from that pedestal shaped like a cross
As I said, I’m terribly sorry
I didn’t mean to exist in real life
I humbly apologize for not just being good enough to provide you a comfortable life
And instead, being possessed of ambition, striving for something better all the time
I’m sorry I ran out of energy after thousands of times offering support and getting none in return
I’m sorry that this relationship is a dictatorship
It’s true, I do all the driving and I don’t only go where you tell me to go
From the back seat
I’ll be sure to remove any reflective surfaces while you’re considering who is responsible for your miserable life
You can have fun deciding which standards apply to you and which to everyone else, and attempting to paint a bleak picture for all your friends
How about if I hang that picture on the refrigerator?
Would that make you feel better?
You poor, poor thing