Man Has Threesome With Fate!

“When were you going to tell me?” She looked as angry as a beaver with a splinter.
“When you went to the store. I was going to ask you for milk, and then I was going to tell you.” He looked as nervous as a deer at a NRA meeting in Texas.
“I wasn’t going to the grocery store. I was going shopping for a couch.” She missed the subject like Everything But The Girl misses the rain.
“Whew, I’m glad you changed the subject so I don’t have to tell you anything.” He looked as confused as a sideways moth with a razor pistol.
“You said that out loud, you moron! I remembered, and I want you to answer the question.” She looked as satisfied as the opposite of a Rolling Stone.
“Um, well… wait, I did answer the question. Remember, you asked me when I was going to tell you, and I said ‘when you went to the store’?” He looked as smug as some type of insect in a flat textile floor covering.
“You’re twisting my words! You know what I meant!” She looked as beaten as two eggs who play for the Detroit Lions.
“I’m not twisting, but you’re shouting.” He felt as proud as someone who had beaten up one of those honor students whose parents had one of those ‘My Kid Is An Honor Student’ bumper stickers on their minivan.
“Okay, fine. What were you going to tell me?” She had recovered quicker than an actress who had appeared in a porno, and then released an album and a mainstream film, then got caught shoplifting, and then drove off a cliff but escaped with only minor injuries.
“Oh, that. It turns out, I’m having a girl with Sheila, and a boy with Meredith.” He looked as low as a woman with apple-bottom jeans and boots with the fur.
“So you have three women pregnant right now?” She looked with her eyeballs, you know, so she could see stuff.
“Three? You mean… Awww, Judy. I can’t wait to share our lives together with our baby.” He looked as happy as a guy who was pretending to have escaped a horrible fate, much less three of them.
“Yeah, me either.” She was as sincere as I am right now when I tell you that on a scale of 1 to really sincere, she was really sincere.
“So what are we going to do about the other ones. You know, cause I’ll be having three babies at once, and all three of you are in love with me, so I was thinking of having the other two over for a talk, and possibly popping the question to all of you. What do you think?” He was as ballsy as a man who had Pamela Anderson’s fake boobs removed and placed in his scrotum, and then inflated to obscenely huge proportions.
“Awww, yes! Yes!”
“Yes! Me too! Yes!”
Judy was as surprised as someone who had just found out that the other two women her boyfriend had impregnated were on a teleconference the entire time they had been talking just now about getting married.
“We’re going to be so happy with that new couch! You’ll see.” She dodged the subject like a really nerdy but really fast sixth grader in gym class dodged the dodge ball when they were playing dodge ball in gym class.
“…” He was as speechless as

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