I waxed poetic after a few drinks, but something inside me was raining and I couldn’t finish. What was the umbrella that could keep each needle-shaped raindrop from piercing my skin, or getting my lips all sewn up so that I couldn’t kiss the dawn? Each eye stared at me. Each thread was larger than the insignificant tapestry that was my life. Each needle was pushed to the red.
If you love someone for who they are, you can’t be afraid of their past, because whatever happened has made them into the person you love. Embrace it, and don’t run away. Because they can’t run away from it. Sit with them instead, and hold their hand. Your demons can wait. Help them with theirs.
If you love someone for who they were, you’ll spend all your time trying to put that genie back in the bottle, right after you finish off whatever dank liquor resided in it previously. But the past always escapes every trap, because it’s free – but they are not so lucky, because it can imprison them. You are then become an accomplice, holding them down while their past beats them bloody. Take them in your comforting embrace and guide them gently out of that state, that burning house, that stern gaze, that wicked stare, that privileged touch. Help them walk through and into the now, and only then turn with them to look at how far they have come.
If you love someone for who they will be, your vision must be clear that it’s who they will be for them, not how they will be for you. You must turn with them and help them choose the right forks in roads, the right turns in mazes, the right mountains to climb, the right elixirs to imbibe. Comfort them and be like home to them, that they may become the best they can be. Bring them closer to their true selves, even if it brings them a little further away from you. Don’t worry – they’ll remember you always, and you’ll be with them.
Dreaming of revving engines running out of gas, I realize I was never driving. I was only going where I was told from the back seat. I was blindly following orders because it wasn’t my town. I wasn’t willing to drive someone crazy. So I drove myself mad instead. It has good parking.