Oh don’t worry. Go ahead and cross the street. I’m not going to rev my engine in angry anticipation because you’re not moving your feet fast enough. You’re taking your time, deliberately casting sidelong glances, wondering what I will do. But you know I can’t do anything, because to all the world my movement will hurt you and that’s all they will see. You ever manage to mask the same old cliches in new and interesting patterns, just dazzling enough to trick me into reading them just in case there’s something revolutionary or revelatory rather than revolting. You’re giving the appearance of a confession. What you’ve actually confessed is that it’s all my fault and you’re sorry for that. Everything that is wrong in your life is due to me and you can barely bring yourself to forgive me but you do magnanimously. You have an endless capacity for love – it’s too bad that it’s only for yourself. Your human condition is inhumanly egotistical and selfish. That’s probably also my fault.
I saw a man driving with a cup on top of his car, oblivious to what disaster awaited as soon as he stopped moving. It’s an apt metaphor, isn’t it? Because if that was you, you would actually blame me for not telling you about the cup, instead of blaming yourself for absentmindedly leaving it there in the first place.
I get it. I understand what you’re saying. You’re very, very sorry about the things you’ve said and done because of the way I made you feel. You’re very sorry for all the things you said because of what other people did to you. You show regret and remorse for your actions because of the stress and duress you’ve been under. Everything’s external. Everything originates from outside yourself and you should be able to control your reaction to it. But your so-called reaction is preemptive, honey. You did it first. All your reactions are to your own mind, your own thoughts, your own assumptions. You hate being wrong so you mask your error with blame.
ANYWAY, I’ll have a cheeseburger, large fries and a Diet Coke, hold the irony.
Okay, that will be $3.37. Please pull around to the first window.