Bizarre Poems ‘R’ Us

Hum diddle diddle, hum diddle aye
I just checked downstairs
Yep, I’m a guy
Dip da dip din, dip da dip dizard
I wonder if snakes
Are amputee lizards?

Beep beep boop, shoe-sha-shoe shine
How come ginger and linger
Don’t rhyme?
Bit bit beat, bit bit bot
Bacon-wrapped strawberries
Taste better than I thought

I swore I wouldn’t swear again
I think I just broked it
Ham soaked in cannabis
Would I get high if I smoked it?
Why is there so much food in this poem?
If there are better rhymes at lunchtime
I’m sure I don’t know ’em
I feel I’m losing you as an audience at this point because of this slight break in the meticulously crafted meter of the poem thus far
I’m kind of concerned
Audiences are fickle
That’s one thing I’ve learned
They’re also generally stupid
This is definitely true
But you are all way above average!
I wasn’t talking about you!

There’s something you should know
It’s quite a surpriser
It’s hard to get drunk
On hand sanitizer
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With much disbelief
But it’s also no substitute
For brushing your teef
Even more disbelievable
Even harder to swallow
Is that all of these people
Have chosen me to follow
And where am I leading them?
MANY left turns
Right off of a cliff
The stupid, it burns
The colors, so garish
The words, so obscene
Like someone dumped a septic tank
Onto your screen
If you’re not offended
I’m not sure what would do
But trying to outdo me
Is not something you should do

Some lines are made up
I know that one was
Have you farted in public?
Everyone does
Is it silent but deadly
With a smell that will linger?
If you mispronounce that last word
It will rhyme with ginger

I’ll wait while you work out
The previous lines
I know it caused dissonance
I do that sometimes
But everything works out
All at the end
You all worship and adore me!
(That’s what I pretend.)


13 thoughts on “Bizarre Poems ‘R’ Us”

  1. Once, I had a four year old patient who would get high off the hand sanitizer in her room. Her parents weren’t around much so, anytime she was admitted, we had to remove the bag of it from the device mounted on the wall in her room. She’d still try…

    Liked by 1 person

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